Life moves pretty fast

It’s that time of year again. The Feast Day of St. Valentine is upon us. I have often felt the 14^th day of February is one of the most unusual days in the modern culture of the world. A mix of the truest and most fundamental emotion of the human spirit, love, and the great commercialism of these times. However, as someone who finds themselves widowed and thus without their partner, this day also can become a time of memories and a reminder of strong and very wonderful emotions. So how should I respond to this day and what it brings? My choice today is to write about it.

At the most basic level, today is simply another day in February and as such is full of the comings and goings of human life much like any other day. Today, for example, would have been my grandmother’s 106^th birthday. I had a little reminder of our celebrations of her 100^th birthday pop up in my photo timeline earlier today. To live to 100 is a magnificent achievement in many ways. And if you have a chance to attend a 100^th birthday party, I highly recommend it. My grandmother’s party was full of old photos, stories, family togetherness and a good amount of cake! It was a splendid time of celebration.

It was also a chance to think of my dear Grandad. I believe I am very fortunate to have seen both my sets of Grandparents at the end of 60+ years of marriage and to see my parents reach 50 years. The longevity is of course to be celebrated, particularly when you consider my grandparents marrying in war time and all the challenges of the 1940s. However, I believe what I learned from all these dear folk is something more profound. The strength of true partnership.

That strength, I believe, is that there is no better expression of the love you have for your partner than by simply saying, “today I shall work hard for us”. I have been incredibly fortunate that I had someone to stand next to me for 20 years while we did this for each other. Of course, there are many days where that is said subconsciously whilst the rhythms of the day play out. The love you have for that person is a drive that focusses the mind greater than anything else. Thus, when that trouble comes “that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday”, it is no deviation from normality to say, “Don’t worry. I’m here. I’ve got you.” That for me is the great expression of true love.

So, if these emotions are so profoundly intrinsic in dedicated relationships, why do we take the opportunity to celebrate Valentine’s Day

For many, Valentines’ Day is described as two sides of a paradox. For some, it is a poetic opportunity to celebrate romantic love by dedicating one’s thoughts and time to reinforcing partnership through shared experiences and symbolic gift giving.

Or it is a conspiracy of the chocolate and greetings card’s industries into making people spend literally billions of pounds around the world on a random day. They do this by providing gifts and words designed to present a simplistic surface view of what is an emotion and connection so complicated that the greatest artists of human history have not collectively fully described it!

The truth in my experience, like many things, is somewhere in between. I think it can be taken as read that there is a commercial side to these things and that’s ok. Everyone has a living to make. I remember, particularly in the early days, buying the little gifts and enjoying the simplicity of making Jen smile. “Squidge”, the cute cuddly Labrador puppy on his little red velvet pillow stating, “I love you”, was a particular success bringing smiles not only that day but many days beyond.

I also enjoy the fun of watching panicked men buying flowers in the seasonal aisle in Tesco. They try to look as cool as they can whilst underneath, they are at first confused and then start to glow with a pride at their selection and a little swagger comes into the walk to the checkout! (Watch for this on Mother’s Day too by the way). We’ve all done it!

The next component is what the evening will entail. Again, here there is a gamut of possibilities and approaches. The adverts of the day would lead you to believe that the components of a successful Valentines evening would include a candlelit dinner, perhaps on a balcony strewn with the finest red roses. The gentlemen is in his finest three piece suit. The lady in an elegant dress. They are served chilled champagne by a waiter straight from the Orient Express in the 1920s who departs with a slight bow. A classical string quartet in the corner play the finest romantic music ever composed. The gift of a glistening pair of diamond earrings or fine perfume is accompanied by a well co-ordinated firework display in the background. The final shot perhaps hints at some choice underwear of a style not made for comfort but more to aid the implied passion to follow, as an elegant hotel suite door closes.

Alternatively, many would perhaps recognise, an Indian takeaway at the kitchen table. A single candle lit thoughtfully in the middle glinting off the aforementioned bunch of flowers in the vase on the side and the useful notes on the fridge. A romantic playlist plays from Spotify in the background. Eventually there is a retirement to the lounge for the agreed watching of the romantic film that was seen on an early date, whilst snuggling in on the sofa with a glass of the wine and chocolates that were also purchased from Tesco.

That option, you may be able to tell, resonates more with me. I wouldn’t trade memories of evenings of this type with Jen for anything. They are what a life together is made of, and they are how that connection is reinforced – when there is no-one else in the world except that other person.

However, this evening will not be like that. Instead, I am going to be indulging in my other love, football, and a trip to watch the mighty Enfield Town. I won’t be dressed up other than for the cold, and the fragrances are more likely to be cooking onions from a burger van, a waft of deep heat from the players or various other pungent smells of dude! But it will do me good as it always does.

In the end, no matter whether you are celebrating Valentine’s Day or it is simply another Tuesday, whether you are alone or with your partner in life, or if you are missing someone, show yourself a little love today while its in the air. Connect with the things that make you smile. They are the best reinforcement for your own wellbeing and if you are fortunate enough to have someone to be with, they will share the benefit too.

Lots of love.